There are things in class that stick with me throughout each semester. From the previous semester it was things about sociology. This semester it's about post modern and modern thinking. It's come to my conclusion that I have a modernist belief that I tend to start off positive with an idea in the beginning and slowly decline in the middle and struggle at the end. And that's something inevitable that will always happen with me.
Why, if I chose to work on that flaw, then I'd jump out of that boxed idea within the modernist-idea and into a post-modernist approach.Where there is no one-track solution and that there various results and realities.

The semester is coming to an end. While it hasn't been an eventful one as previous semesters have, I did come to appreciate it. -- With all the free time given I was able to think and coupe with the past as well as plan for the future.

I took a step back this semester by taking a break from the fraternity and focusing on my grades. I did notice throughout the semester, my urges to do something extra on the side would occur like attend club meetings and events or go out on the weekend. I saw it distract me from my grades, but not to any bad extent.

My relationship with the friends I made within the fraternity has been up for judgment. I stopped hanging out on my free time with them and instead have been going home straight. - due to my back to back schedule and bus commuting schedule. - In return, it's made me appear as a ghost. and when I do appear at the place they hang, I get the bombarded questions of "how have you been?" "are you active this semester" "are you returning next semester"

I get the fact that I left without any word, in a sense. I feel bad for that and can't help but not think they could no longer depend on me as a Bro that I am to them. The only way to fix that is by returning, but I'm limited to my circumstances given. (primarily by not having a car). I adjusted throughout my semester and tried to get a new car with the time given, but no good fortunes have come yet. Time will tell though.

While I was replacing my fraternity activities throughout the semester, it came at no better timing for a short lived re-acquaintance with my ex. We tried to work things out but in the end it did not work. What I was looking in her for was something she was not quite sure of. And I couldn't hold either of us against it or that would be unfair to both of us. So that was that...but I will always love her. it just hurts occasionally.

I learned a lot by isolating myself from others this semester. I tend to compare myself to others. I could never keep myself deprived from others. I'm never quite happy with the things I do. I'm hugely insecure at times and am easy at pointing out my flaws. Yet I'm learning to accept them and not reveal them at every given moment. I try and I appreciate my friends who stick around me and family as well...

More semesters to come for now.

This semester I have gotten fat since Summer ended. Fell and continuously still am falling for a dear friend of mine. Forgotten all about my major. Switched my major. Did my Fraternity term for this semester. Gained a few gray hairs. Hated people. Loved and cherish new and old friends of mine. Became more dependent on people and less dependent at the same time. Gotten drunk and regretted it. Haven't gotten truly high since summer. Oh and for the most part this semester I'm passing my classes. And getting closer to getting off of academic probation. Yes bitches .

College, it's a muck. and I am baffled when I sometimes look back at it. But let's keep going forward naively and optimistic as long as we can until we are out of here and are no longer attached to the umbilical cord.

When we make mistakes in our lives, it's a matter of coming to terms with ourselves and accepting those mistakes rather than worrying about what others may think. Accepting our own faults are sometimes the hardest things to accept, but it can be such a huge relief you can ever have from yourself.
I thought to myself today, "as a kid up until now how has my life shaped the person I am today?" How and what has made me, me today?

My question is sounding like a college entrance prompt... but this is real and something I'll be thinking about.

I'm pretty sure I need more things for school... For now though

Socio Books

Chem Book & Wiley Plus
Nutrition Study Guide Book

Running Shoes

New Laptop Battery

Chinese Dictionary

I think I'm going to like the Semester a whole lot.

I'd like to say that this Thursday is going to be the biggest device I ever thrown thus far. My pledge bros and I are going to San Diego to visit a fellow pledge bro and eat dinner at Phil's BBQ, right before the Summer ends. She says we'll be welcomed to her house, where there's a pool and jacuzzi. (Oh you fancy!) We've got the addresses, the willing drivers, the people down to go, set date and time. It's all ready at this point and excitement is building.

I've always talked about the San Diego trip amongst everyone and finally it's coming together. It's very important because the pledge bro who lives out there, did not get to experience her crossover with us due to a final for class. To miss your crossover party is a major loss in your pledging experience within the fraternity. I always felt bad for her not being there that night and I always said that, somehow we'd make it up.

Honestly there's no other way of recreating that night, but at least we make the effort.

As for me throwing this event, I feel as if I "stepped up" and took initiative majorly this time. Within my pledging process I feel as if didn't demonstrate what I was able to bring to the Fraternity and amongst my pledge class. I think some of my pledge bros are surprised with me on this event; asking if "this" has been done or "that." In ways this shows to the people that I can rise to the occasion, but it's also a positive feeling for myself as well that I can take on such a task.

It's going to be hot throughout the week and we'll be in a pool in San Diego this Thursday. :)